Monday, November 12, 2007

A Stranger in My House

Angel here.

I just wanted to make sure I'm not presenting an overly rosy view of adoption, and thought I'd comment a little on how I'm feeling about things.

In many ways I feel more like an auntie or nanny than a mommy. There's so much to teach her. The list is endless. I figured out today that she can write her name, but she can't read. Not a lick. It helps me know where to start with homeschooling. Don't know about math, yet. But schoolwork aside, there's just so much to teach about practical everyday things. From using a toilet that flushes to taking a bath. She insists on standing up in the bathtub and splashing herself with the water. BRRR!

Anyway, if you've seen Anne of Green Gables, you'll understand when I say I feel more like Marilla. There's a girl in my house that I don't know, but desperately WANT to know. I'm trying to give her some space to trust us and learn how to be a daughter. Being a sister is coming easy for her.....she's already helping Eva get dressed and holds her hand when we are in a parking lot. Our other children are unknowingly modeling family behavior for her, and I suspect much of what she learns will come from observing them. In the most insecure place in my heart, I want to know that she's glad she came home with us. She's still self-protecting, which is understandable. I can't even imagine the bravery it took to board an airplane with us. It's this same kind of spitfire and courage that has probably kept her alive these many years.

So, I'll just end by saying that adoption is a big commitment. It's a terrifying leap of faith. It's a journey of trusting God to lead me and give me wisdom. It's more about the child, than about me. It's not about trying to do something noble. It's all about what God wants to do through this experience to show Himself off. He wants to Be Big in our lives! He wants to Be Big in MY life.

8 comments:

jaz said...

Angel,
I like how you say, "showing Himself off" instead of just "showing Himself". ;0) Thanks for keeping it real! I'll be praying over your transition.
Love,
Jamie Z. :0)

Sara said...

So well said, my friend! I am praying for more words, more eye contact, more smiles.

We can't WAIT to meet her, but I'm headed out of town with Daley to chaparone that cruise she's dancing on.

Hugs, hugs, hugs for now!

S

Samuel said...

Re: "So much to teach her..."

My guess is that she is thinking the same thing....that there is so much to teach you.

I love your enthusiasm, but ask yourself if what you want to teach her is for your glory or for hers.

Can't wait to meet her some day.

Matt Pregont said...

Samuel, Ouch! I didn't mean to come across like she has to do everything our way. Just commenting on the number of differences between our cultures, and that I feel the need to teach her about our's. Are you smoking a pipe contemplating deep, transcendental questions?

~angel

Tama said...

Thank you Angel, that is a good reminder as we bring our children home. I often think about what they are thinking and how we might change in some of the thing we do so it dosn't all seem like they have to adapt to us constintly.
More Pictures Please!!!

Starla said...

Angel,

You wrote exactly what I have been experiencing for the last month. But, things are getting better daily, and MinMin is feeling more comfortable. We are learning from each other. Our trip to the dentist today was an experience for her to learn to trust me when she was scared to death. So many new things----but God is right there bringing us together.

Praying for you guys!

Starla

Ginger said...

WOW! I wish I could have read that 6 months ago when our kids came home! Maya was 8 - writing well, not able to read at all. She was also very quiet - not at all now!
All three had diets much like Nia's. They picked out every single vegetable, even corn. I asked them for the bell peppers they were pushing aside. Those peppers are $2 apiece for heaven's sake! lol
This past month all three of them have decided they like raw carrots. I consider this a major diet shift in the right direction.

Samuel said...

Angel,

No time for smoking pipes here :)

Perhaps my comments are better suited for a conversation outside of text on a screen. It's so hard to hear the other person's heart and intent with text.

Obviously, I read into things based on my own experiences, and perhaps my earlier comments were too tipped towards that. My hope in commenting here was to provide room for you (and your family) to pause.

blessings to you and your new family...
Samuel