Today has been hard. God continually shows me more about Himself through my relationship with my daughter, Nia. He longs to give me good things, draw me close, amaze me, love me. And yet so often I act like an orphan trying to meet all my own needs by myself, pushing others away and adding more bricks to my walls of defense against hurt.
Nia pitched a hissy fit for 2.5 hours today. I'm talking kicking walls, rolling on the floor, wailing, screaming, moaning, crying. Fortunately, today I went to God instead of responding in my sin like the other day. Still, it's very hard to stay calm, loving, and keep your arms open to someone who's fighting with every breath they have to not be loved. I have purposefully decided not to let her isolate herself when she gets in her funk. I force her to continue to engage with the family even though it would be w-a-y easier to send her to her room. Or outside. I have to keep the pathway open and make it easy for her to come back into the fold.
Now she is eating popcorn and watching a LeapFrog video with her siblings, and all is well. As for her brothers and sisters, they watch her fits and ask me about the behavior. I just tell them that Nia is having a hard time accepting love and that we need to continue to show her what it means to be part of a loving family. How to act like the daughter of a King instead of like an orphan? Just rest in Him. Abandon yourself to Him. He longs for us to long for Him.