Thursday, January 10, 2008

Rebuilding

Well, I lost it yesterday with Nia. We had several days of her just begging her siblings to get mad at her (by teasing, taking favorite toys, yelling, etc). And I snapped yesterday afternoon, responding to her in explosive anger. Of course, I immediately felt like crap afterwards.

As she was sitting in the bathtub crying (there's just something therapeutic about baths), I sat on the floor next to the tub and cried with her. We didn't make eye contact...we just cried together. I told her I was wrong to respond in anger to her...that I made a bad choice and needed her to forgive me. She reluctantly forgave. I asked her if she was happy to be part of our family ....a question I have avoided because I don't want to make her feel pressured to lie if she's not happy, and also because if she actually says No, then I'm not sure I want to know it yet since nothing can be done about it. She said Yes, she is happy to be part of our family. I told her that she will always be part of our family no matter what.

And so we continue the rebuilding process. Rebuilding burnt bridges of trust. One of my children in particular is holding on to every wrong deed done by Nia. He has a hard time giving 2nd chances, although Nia is in need of 3rd, 4th, 5th, and so on. To quote Mr. Darcy in Pride and Prejudice, "My good opinion, once lost, is lost forever. " I suppose it's better for him to learn to deal with difficult people at the ripe age of 6.8yrs than at 26.8 yrs.

We have the opportunity to go to Panama City Beach at the end of February, thanks to the generosity of some friends. I'm really looking forward to lots of down-time and family play.

1 comment:

Ginger said...

"It's not how many times a man falls, but how many times he gets back up." In parent terms: it's not how many times a parent fails, but how many times they ask forgiveness.
You're such a good mommy to her. The perfect mommy for her.

"I suppose it's better for him to learn to deal with difficult people at the ripe age of 6.8yrs than at 26.8 yrs."
Very wise words! The struggles our kids have with their new siblings will mature them and add to their character.