Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Heavy Laden

All the songs I grew up singing in our small country church had words like "heavy laden" in them. That's a good description of life with Nia lately. I'm not down or blue, things are just Heavy. I told Matt last night that I'm tired of blogging about Nia. I know from the reader's perspective it looks like we never interact with our other kids, but that's not accurate. We have a whole 'nother crew of kiddos who are doing fun, naughty, cute, lovable things. And we are all trying to find our place in our changing family.

Any time you bring home a new child, whether it's a newborn baby or an older adopted child, the whole family has adjustments to make. Things shift and we all need to find our new nitch. It takes longer to get out the door and leave the house. It adds extra laundry. You lose a little sleep for a time. You are more tired for a season. You make different choices about what your family participates in, using "Is it worth it today?" as your guiding question. Sometimes it's worth it, and sometimes it's not.

That first year of having a newborn is all about changes and adjustments. Right when you get a feeding schedule down pat, it's time to change it. You go through 4 different sizes of clothes in the first year alone. And the diaper sizes change, too. Feedings go from liquids to solids. Changing nap times. Changing what goes in or out of the diaper bag. Constant change.

It's the same with an adoption of a child. That first year is full of changes. Adjustments. Readjustments. You spend a lot of time just learning about each other. Nia has 8 years of life that we don't know about. She'll say things like, "Eating carrots makes your tummy hot." Does this well of folklore knowledge ever have a bottom? It is true that you get colder after you eat because your body's energy is focusing on digestion instead of keeping your whole self warm. But I don't think carrots alone make your tummy hot.

And so we face another day after a night of blatant disobedience from Nia, consequences given, tears cried, cold shoulder given, and a morning that did not bring New Mercies according to Nia. It's just our Daily Grind right now. We picked a brew that is particular hard to swallow some days. But I believe the Christian life is not about having an easy ride on the Merry-Go-Round. Real growth, real passion, real zeal always comes from the lowest, hardest points of our lives. It's a lot more like a Roller Coaster instead.

An ancient, old woman in my little country church used to sing this song acapella:

come ye weary, heavy laden
lost and ruined by the fall
if you tarry until you're better
you will never come at all
I will arise and go to Jesus
He will embrace me in his arms
In the arms of my dear saviour
Oh, there are ten thousand charms

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

Very well put!!

-Melodie

Anonymous said...

Angel,

This is the first thing that came to mind when I read today's post.....

Are you weary, are you heavy hearted?
Tell it to Jesus, tell it to Jesus.
Are you grieving over joys departed?
Tell it to Jesus alone.

Do you fear the gathering clouds of sorrow?
Tell it to Jesus, tell it to Jesus.
Are you anxious what shall be tomorrow?
Tell it to Jesus alone.

Tell it to Jesus, tell it to Jesus
He is a friend that's well known.
You have no other such a friend or brother.
Tell it to Jesus alone.

I know it must be tough dealing with Nia day in and day out. Hang in there girl. Like you said, it's only a season in her (and your) life. This too shall pass.

Anonymous said...

Oops! I forgot to sign :-)

~Michelle

Sara said...

I loved this. Such a picture of how it is, Angel. And trust me when I say that although you will all have to stretch to accomodate all Nia brings to the table, you will all benefit in the end... kids who will know how to love unconditionally, forgive, reach out when they'd rather turn around... she'll likely accept their love first, so teaching them to love her well will do both them and her a world of good.

I love you! You are such an inspiration! Children need love the most when they deserve it the least.

Sara

Sara said...

Can you believe I didn't have your email address to communicate with you by? I've jsut gotten so used to communicating with you this way! And now I have something totally not adoption related to ask you! Is it blog abuse to ask you here? I have a friend who needs a good chiro, and I know you and Matt used one that I think I recall you were happy with. Can you email me and tell me who it was?

Thanks! Sara

Pregont Family said...

Thanks for all the comments! I love seeing whose still keeping up with our saga.
~angel

Starla said...

Angel,

Your honesty is so refreshing--and it is encouraging to see you day after day going to the Lord for Nia. It also makes me sit up and reprimand myself for feeling like its more work than its worth, when I know that's not true. And in my case, my daughter is trying so hard to fit in, and I nit pick on the small stuff. Thanks for helping me to see that....Starla

Oh, and I love reading about the other kids too...especially Isabelle's birthparents teaching her to play cards. Sounds like some of the stuff LiAnne comes up with :) like the pizza parties they had in her SWI.